The Symptoms That You Already Old

• There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.  
  
• Things that you buy now won't wear out.
  
• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
  
• You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.
  
• Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.
  
• You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room.
  
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them anyway.
  
• You can sing along with elevator music.
  
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.
  
• Your eyes won't get too much worse.
  
• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  
• People call you at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you???? "
  
• You can get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  
• You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
  
• In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.
  
• No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
  
• You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.